DIFFERENT SELF

yesterday while waiting for a friend to meet me for lunch, i popped over to the good ol' borders for some nice book. yeah and i chose the random way to "feel" for the right book.

and there it was. haruki murakami's sputnik sweethearts.

i shan't dwell into the book content but there was one part which disturbed me so.....one of the characters wanted to go on a ferris wheel and peep back at her own studio apartment via the binoculars while she's on the ferris wheel. how bizarre is that? or warped? and then instead of viewing an empty room, she saw her 2nd self doing other things......and since then she was never the same again.

yeah...and i can really relate to this odd behaviour.

i have a guy's mind trapped in a girl's body and ambushed by a girl's heart and emotions.

sometimes when i am logically thinking about things, the guy takes over and is cold and heartless.

the girl is chained until someone manages to break through that wall and rescue her.

i have two different selves.

conflicting and weird.

and as V told me before that i should just make up my mind and stop being so conflicted as a person...i can't as that's the essence of who i am.

i am super masculine in my thoughts yet feminine in my emotions and outlook of relationships

ya......the pain of being able to understand both sides of the coin.

maybe one fine day my two selfs will be split...............when destiny takes place. i wonder which self would i rather be left with.