IDEALS AND HOW THEY GET WASHED AWAY

just last night i was having a really disturbing dream about someone in my past.

i was at a rather beautiful hotel resort in bangkok. and somehow someone i wish who wasn't in my life...was staying at the hotel room next to me. not only that. he plotted to kill me by sneaking into my room with a knife.... stabbing me...trying to slice my thighs.

yeah. i woke up in a cold sweat and wondering what the hell did i dream of such vivid horror.

perhaps it's because i'm afraid that my past will come creeping back into my life. sigh now that i've moved on feeling happy..i wish things remain the way they ought to.

i sometimes wonder how on earth did i end up so cynical and left heartbroken and perhaps empty by some experiences in life.

while talking to a friend online..i was revisiting the days when i was that girl-next-door, with that horrible curly hair...tied up in a pony tail....all geared up to face the future with an eager heart.

back then, i believe in romance. i believed in butterflies in the stomach.

kissing someone while watching the sunset....with flowers in my hand was sort of a joy to me.

frankly.

i no longer view such scenes with such distinct love and affection.

to me..it's just a beautiful scene left behind called memory.

seriously...i feel it's sad that 7 years on...i ended up more cynical, jaded, than ever before.

or should i revisit that romantic side of me once more?

or should i just keep that place locked until someone worthy comes along?

then again...do i still keep the key...and is it lost?