THE PROMISE OF PAIN

Pain. The underused word. The romance of human suffering that is beautifully captured in almost every wonder of man's words, films, works, books, movies and even art.

so yeah... i finally plucked the courage to transfer my emotional pain, the pain that was buried in my heart for a long time to the physical arena.

but before i dwell on the wonders of physical pain, let me just say that i had enough of longing for people who no longer cared for me as much as i cared for them.

so as the needle infused its permanent ink into my tender skin on my back, my negative emotions pulsed directly to the new beautiful wound.

i thought of my ex, the one i almost married and loved the most...yet the one who also let me down the most. recently i made peace with him and became friends again, yet i knew...deep down the feelings still run deep. but now the bitterness is all gone.

i thought of slim shady, the guy who was really my soul mate, one i could understand just by that look or a nudge at the hand. the one who knew how to make me happy instinctively, and yet the one who also carelessly broke my heart and made use of me.

i thought of random guys who treated me badly...and told myself, i love myself so much more so i won't tolerate such behaviour or be affected by such attitude anymore.

and the vibrating needle jerks me to my senses.

i realise i was happy again. truly stripped of all those emotional burdens that i kept too long for my own good.

when i saw the splendour of its bloom....

i told myself.......wow. this is truly a metaphor of my life.

a cross....which has three curves which symbolise my sisters, and it also symbolises christ who loves me despite it all.

then there's this rose that is twined around it. it's me. filled with thorns, sorrow, pain and anguish.

yet... i managed to bloom because of god's true blessing.

i can't exactly say that i am ultimately happy

but i can say i feel blessed and for once.....love myself so much more.