DETACHMENT AND ATTACHMENT

just the other night by the dam, as i was whispering rather solemn thoughts to my dear friend D, we were talking about the problems with love and life.


sometimes in the worst scheme of things, the person you adored or grew attached to...somehow has a strange inverse relationship with you.

the more attached you are to the person, the more he tries to run away from you and engage in deception and denial that will only manage to make you feel anguished and hurtful for a long time to come.

or

the more you grow detached and become as ice cold and mysterious as the ice berg that sank the titanic (sorry if i got too lyrical...must be the marking of horrid comprehension that made me strive not to be affected by the bad english); the more the person tries to get back into your life.

i don't know!

the first time i felt super emo about this whole affair earlier last month was basically simple yearning and missing.

but now... it's more like "i just want to get out of this pit fast! but i'm afraid to look back and regret as i see the light at the end of the tunnel"

tired of this tennis game

tired of being the silly one who bothers to initiate and care

tired of being the fool

tired of feeling emo

yearning to go back to my robotic self.

yearning to go back to the comfort of the logical world.

ARGH.