happy mummy's day

yeah this is one of the most commercialised days where people thank their mummies for tolerating them for the whole year heh.

i might not be a mummy, or married... but somehow been told by friends that i'll make a good mother. argh.

perhaps it's the tendency to take care of my younger siblings....as well as the fact that my own mother isn't around anymore. yeah she's gone to heaven in 2001.

yesterday, i forced myself to wake up.... and dragged myself to the saturday evening service with my sister. we went to "visit" mummy...and of course deep down we just wished her happy mother's day.

my mum isn't exactly a perfect mother.

she had me when she was a mere 21 year old. young and afraid i guess...and her maternal instincts were not quite developed yet.

so i've always felt she never really did loved me during my childhood or early teens.

it was only until I was 19 that i realised how much my mother loved me.

during that time she was horribly sick with kidney failure and stuff....so we'll still sneak out in the middle of the night to have girl talk.

and yes... my mum still appears in my dreams whenever i'm feeling very sick or having a really bad time.

somehow part of me is afraid to let others take care of me..because i do not know when they'll leave me again.

leave me feeling rather abandoned and alone.

afterall, it's so much easier to rely on yourself than be dependent on someone else.

but that's me. i'm just too sentimental. :)

anyway happy mother's day to all!