wander lust

just yesterday as the sweet sounds of lounge music unfolds in the air, my friends gathering together for a drink and a joke, some strange alienating thought came into my mind.

i feel lonely.

yes, as strange as it sounds, this is the feeling i've been getting for quite a long time.

as much as i'm surrounded by people and am loved by my friends and family, this lonely feeling has been stuck with me since the day i'm born heh.

(or rather since the day i knew the existance of it.)

this just reminds me of the time when i'm at my grandmother's place, feeling pensive about my own presence, I was only four to five years old then. like.....

am i dreaming that i'm living a life.
what if i was in a coma, and this life is but a dream?
Or what on earth am i doing on this erm earth?

come to think of it, i suppose I had these morbid thoughts even as a young child, much less a cynical adult.

yeah, this loneliness never went away as i was always left on my own, and as a result of that, my mind wandered to the depths of .......hmm loneliness? heh