conversation with the higher being

late last night i couldn't sleep due to the excitement caused by the latte i took earlier last night for dinner.

thoughts which don't make sense just kept running through my head.

one of the thoughts was ....going back to church to speak to god.

yeah it's been quite a while since i went back to church. i was so tired during work that i've neglected the spiritual part of my life.

and my soul is yearning for that peace and comfort.

so i headed to another nearby church for mass.

and something which the priest said struck me.

he was lamenting about how the youths didn't attend the daily mass even though it's the june holidays...unlike the other church just nearby.

i suppose i felt sad for the priest. he has an uphill task, despite having beautiful parish...

whereas the parish which is set up on a hill.........ironically the task for those parish priests aren't as uphill.

i guess like i told my younger sister earlier that sometimes when churches get too established, people take things for granted (myself included of course.)

they take their faith for granted.
they take their knowledge of god for granted.
they take the power of the holy spirit for granted.

in a strange way..........right after mass. all i heard was people rushing off......as though they had already fulfilled their quota for the day. or for the week.

in a way, i feel sad for my church because there's a lack of zest that is present in the new age churches.

then again, i also know that i have to trust god to intervene at his own time.

deep in my heart, i knew he would make a way.

but this also made me reflect about my life.

am i a sunday catholic? or simply practise what is convenient.

and in some sheepish guilt...i do feel guilty that i'm not doing anything for the church.

it was until my church friend michelle told me that i'm serving god in my job. my everyday job.

yeah.

i guess like another church friend told me...people have gifts given by the lord to serve the community.

it so happens that mine is the gift of teaching.

yeah.

but even so...i found it a struggle to stay passionate at a work place which only believes in grades. or rather society for that matter.

i find it tough to appear optimistic for the kids when i myself am an incorrigible cynic.

and in the hustle and bustle of the line........

my value and purpose in life gets drowned in the sea of marking.

which is why i've decided to volunteer at this place to keep myself sane.

i'll keep you guys updated on the little humbling adventures i've set myself for.

true.

i may be a teacher.

but i need to be taught life's lessons first..before truly understanding it and then imparting the best values to the next generation.

anyway i am not trying to appear to be noble or perfect. because that's not what i am. but just another humble human being out there trying to make another few lives feel better.