happily lost, sadly found

yeah, it's been quite some time since i've updated this blog. many reasons.

work being one of them. and of course, coming to terms with major events in my mediocre life, where i learn to live without certain things which have been close to my heart for a long time.

nay, not doing some reflection bravado...but rather just stating what's happening lately to me, or rather thoughts that linger in my head.

sometimes in life, i've always thought myself to be rather focused and i know what i want. but guess what, i no longer know what i want..........and the best part is, i'm just going to indulge in the blatant world of ignorance for a change, rather than just seek the truth all the time.

perhaps it's my way of escaping la. or rather running away, or you could say, it's cavetime for me.

it's my way of shielding myself from the rest of the world.

like i told my dad, only two major events earlier in my life have caused me to do it.

1991, 2001.

no, it's no number code..........not some cursed combination similar to that of the saga "lost", but rather.....just some events that shook me and i lost my nerve, and then seek solace within........which means.

alienate myself from people.

no no..i am not staying at home moping around...rather just remaining emotionally ambivalent for once......

perhaps this is what my life is about. sigh.

feeling intensely for something, only to lose it....and then feeling the emptiness of nothing.

alright, enough negativity for the month.