CNY and the emo stuff

it's the 2nd day of the new year, and i was feeling rather down the night before.

the aftermath of after thoughts of something that should have remained in the past.

i was feeling rather emo and depressed as i thought about how i longed for that someone and managed to get over him... yet i allowed myself to once again open that little crack in my heart for him to reach inside yet again.

and yes i felt as if a whole hand went into my heart through that crack and squeezed the inside until they seem like little pieces of tomatoes.

yet. the key word is yet.

i knew that it can't go on...so, i told him (ha i know for the millionth time) that we shouldn't meet again.

no more.

and of course he had little reaction.

and yeah i know how he might have so much disbelief since i've said that so many times yet went back on my word again.

but.

i have to.

i don't see myself yearning for him years later only to get emptiness and disappointment in return.

i love myself too much to do that to myself.

despair shouldn't be my middle name.

renewal should be.

so bye... closed that crack in my heart again and hope it doesn't leak once more.

went for body combat class today...and reflected in the steam room.

had some quiet time to myself..and finally went home to cook dinner.

strangely...all these cheered me up once again.