the courage to pursue your dream

there are times when i cast aside my dreams for the greater good.

For a while it felt great doing love for your loved ones and putting their needs before you.

But after a while...something gnaws at your soul bit by bit and you wonder where did the passion go.

and then you have naysayers around you telling you that you can never do it.

Slowly but surely, you start to believe their negative words.

but then again...over the course of time...you gain some courage and then you start to cast aside those negative thoughts and just believe in your inner voice again.

i felt so restless for most of this year...and somehow i found my inner peace again and felt puzzled why have i been ignoring that voice for so long.

is it because of fear?

fear that i would just give up whatever i'm doing now...for my dream?

is it the fear of taking risks...

letting those around me down?

maybe now's the time to live for myself.

happy versus sad thoughts

how does one express emotions? is it through words, facial expression, touch, non-verbal or verbal communication?

just a walk along memory lane showcases a rather negative track record of mine. haha. rather "emo" language used to depict pain, sadness, being heartbroken, despair, anguish. perhaps i'm more used to writing about pain. pain seems to be the main theme of my life for the longest time - so much so that i became a best friend with that emotion. that i could write about it. talk about it. express it so eloquently.

yet i am at a loss when it comes to expressing happiness.

is it because i'm not used to experiencing it? or is it because i'm denying myself of enjoying those moments because i know it's going to be yet another fleeting moment of the eye of the storm?

in the end do happy or sad thoughts win the day?

depends on the individual i suppose.

sorry not making any sense... feels as if my brain is degenerating.