Meet Ms Snap and Ms Sunshine

After a series of unfortunate events over the year and being in an intense environment, sometimes i wonder if i have become a better or worse person.

yeah, i know sometimes i have really bad mood swings.

sometimes i can be really nice, ms sunshine...forever smiling and patient. (well ya i believe in being nice to people la)

then at other times, a more impatient side of me emerges when under stress.

but sometimes i hate it that people see me as a pushover when i try to be nice about things such that i have no choice but to show my not so nice side.

then suddenly, they get it.

ay. i mean ya i'm more like ms snappy than ms sunshine these days.

of course i know it's not right of me to be snappy all the time.

guess it's a sign i need a break and change.

AMBITION AND SOME WORD ON HAPPINESS

the year 2007 has been quite crazy busy for me. The past five months, i felt so stretched mentally, physically and emotionally, although at times i do feel that i'm on the verge of burnt out, after some soulful reflection and a quick look back at myself at times... i felt incredibly renewed and pensive.

the learning process is always exciting when you're dealing with human beings, especially youngsters who are the diamond in the rough. ha ha

i also revisited some of my approaches towards training people and personal beliefs.

new friendships were forged, while old ones were renewed.

yeah i don't see myself doing what i'm currently doing for the rest of my life, definitely not the type who will do this for 10 years... 8 years..or 5 years, maybe 3-4 years.

i love my job, but sometimes i wonder if it'll allow me to reach for the stars and skies...

money isn't the issue.

it's more about expanding my horizons and personal development.

ya i'm not making sense now..

just in the process of discovering for myself what exactly do i want to do

a peek into my soul.

Your Power Bird is a Cardinal

You believe that each day is precious, and you spend your times as best as you can. You see the wonder in small things, and you are often content with what you have. You life an interesting, colorful life - and you bring color to those around you. Confident and expressive, you believe you know how to live a good life. You're living it!

What's Your Power Bird?

You Have a Sanguine Temperament

You are an optimistic person who is easily content. You enjoy casual, light tasks - never wanting to delve too deep into anything. A bit fickle, it's easy for you to change plans or paths when presented with something better. You enjoy all of the great things life has to offer - food, friends, and fun. A great talker, you can keep the conversation going for hours. You are optimistic and sure of your success. If you fail, you don't worry about it too much. At your worst, you are vain. You are obsessed with your own attractiveness. A horrible flirt, you tend to jump into love affairs and relationship drama easily. You're very jealous - which just magnifies the craziness around you.

What Temperment Are You?

Your Rising Sign is Cancer

You are compassionate and kind - and the one who gives security. And while you sometimes tire of it, people always turn to you for advice. Emotions are your domain, and you use tend to use them for good. But you've also been know to be very manipulative when you need to be. You're quite loyal to those you love most - friends and family. For everyone else, you tend take time to build up trust.

What's Your Rising Sign?

You Are 63% Burned Out

You are very burned out. You need a huge break from your responsibilities, starting as soon as possible. And you need this time to reevaluate what you really want out of your life. Because you're working hard and going no where... and that would burn anyone out!

Are You Burned Out?

How You Life Your Life

You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside. You're laid back and chill, but sometimes you care too much about what others think. You prefer a variety of friends and tend to change friends quickly. Some of your past dreams have disappointed you, but you don't let it get you down.

How Do You Live Your Life?

Your Interpersonal Intelligence Score: 81%

Your Interpersonal Intelligence is Very High You go beyond being a "people person." Connecting with people is the most important thing in your life. You're empathetic, friendly, and outgoing. You are the kind of friend people dream of having. Your interpersonal intelligence is a gift. And you use it well.

How Does Your Interpersonal Intelligence Rate?

Your Movie Buff Quotient: 52%

You are well on your way to becoming a movie buff. You've seen many of the great films, and you have even probably developed an expertise in a few genres.

Are You a Movie Buff?

Your Power Level is: 60%

There's a good chance you feel pretty powerful, and with good reason, you're already fairly successful. Keep developing your goals and skills, and you'll be surprised by what you can really achieve.

How Powerful Are You?

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved. You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring. You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance. Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

i don't know what love is

during a hot sunday afternoon, i could not resist but go out blading once again at east coast park. this time with another friend, evy dearest. :)

yes we started out laughing at each other as we stumbled and fell on our butts. (oops by the way that's the wrong way to fall down).

then somehow, the momentum came about..we were able to relax and suddenly...i didn't feel so stressed about blading anymore.

now...i can conquer the bumps along the way....without looking like a fallen angel ha ha.

yeah after surviving for about more than half an hour, we headed down to have nice waffles and ice-cream.

nothing more than just soaking under the sun and enjoying the lazy sunday breeze...as you watch life walk pass you in the form of families, dogs, couples, kids, people swimming, people hanging out with their loved ones, sandcastles.

then came the conversation about whether or not we rank love highly in our category.

perhaps cynical me...has reduced love's so-called high value in the hierarchy of values.

i don't know what love is anymore.

all i know is..it's intangible, it does not last and it is not trustworthy.

expose the inner soul

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion: You have high extroversion. You are outgoing and engaging, with both strangers and friends. You truly enjoy being with people and bring energy into any situation. Enthusiastic and fun, you're the first to say "let's go!" Conscientiousness: You have high conscientiousness. Intelligent and reliable, you tend to succeed in life. Most things in your life are organized and planned well. But you borderline on being a total perfectionist. Agreeableness: You have medium agreeableness. You're generally a friendly and trusting person. But you also have a healthy dose of cynicism. You get along well with others, as long as they play fair. Neuroticism: You have medium neuroticism. You're generally cool and collected, but sometimes you do panic. Little worries or problems can consume you, draining your energy. Your life is pretty smooth, but there's a few emotional bumps you'd like to get rid of. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is high. In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas. You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits. A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything.

The Five Factor Personality Test

Your Career Personality: Organized, Responsible, and Future-Oriented

Your Ideal Careers: Biomedical engineer Business executive College professor District attorney Hedge fund manager Investment banker Judge Military leader Political strategist Surgeon

The Quick and Dirty Career Test

sunday boredom

What Guys Think of Your Long Curly Hair...

Fun, outgoing, spontaneous. Guys know that you're up for almost anything - and are waiting for your surprises.

What Do Guys Think Of Your Hair?

Your Birthdate: February 16

You're incredibly introverted and introspective. You live inside your head. You spend a lot of alone time meditating and thinking. People see you as withdrawn, and at times they are right. You are caring and deep, but it may be difficult for you to show this side of yourself. Your strength: Your original approach to thinking Your weakness: You tend to shy away from others Your power color: Pale blue Your power symbol: Wavy line Your power month: July

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

gosh my friends will cringe when they see the introverted me.

ha ha. yeah i was a introvert forced to become an extrovert.

What Your Soul Really Looks Like

You are a warm hearted and open minded person. It's easy for you to forgive and forget. You are a very grounded, responsible, and realistic person. People may not want to hear the truth from you, but they're going to get it. You believe that people see you as a bit small and insignificant. People pay more attention to you than you think. Your near future is a lot like the present, and as far as you're concerned, that's a very good thing. For you, falling in love has never been easy. You can only fall for someone who is very patient and persistent.

Inside the Room of Your Soul

You Are a Chocolate Cheesecake

Rich and greedy, you're attracted to the dark side of life. Nothing ever quite satisfies your inner beast. And somehow, people find that sexy.

What Kind of Cheesecake Are You?

You Are Bud Light

You're not fussy when it comes to beer. If someone hands it to you, you'll drink it. In fact, you don't understand beer snobbery at all. It all tastes the same once you're drunk! You're an enthusiastic drinker, and you can often be found at your neighborhood bar. You're pretty good at holding your liquor too - you've had lots of experience.

What's Your Beer Personality?

Your Taste in Music:

90's Pop: High Influence 80's Alternative: Medium Influence 80's Pop: Medium Influence 90's Alternative: Medium Influence 90's R&B: Medium Influence

How's Your Taste in Music?

Your Inner Color is Blue

Your Personality: Your natural warmth and intuition nurtures those around you. You are accepting and always follow your heart. You in Love: Relationships are your top priority, and this includes love. You are most happy when you are serious with someone. Your Career: You need to help others in your job to feel satistifed. You would be a great nurse, psychologist, or counselor.

What's Your Inner Color?

You Aren't a Natural Entrepreneur

But you could be an entrepreneur with some work. You've got the vision and guts to make it happen. You just need a little more practice in the business world. Find out what you truly love to do, and the money will follow.

Are You a Natural Entrepreneur?

What Your Dreams Mean...

Your dreams seem to show that you're a bit disturbed... but nothing serious. You may have a problem you're trying to work out in your sleep. You tend to be a very productive thinker. Your dreams tend to reflect your insecurities. You have a very vivid imagination and a rich creative mind. You secretly want to hide your dreams from your waking mind.

What Do Your Dreams Mean?

Your Ideal Pet is a Cat

You're both aloof, introverted, and moody. And your friends secretly wish that you were declawed!

What's Your Ideal Pet?

You Are Elektra

There's really no superhero with more style than you. Because who could beat being sexy assasin ninja?

What Superhero Are You?

What Your Sleeping Position Says

You are calm and rational. You are also giving and kind - a great friend. You are easy going and trusting. However, you are too sensible to fall for mind games.

What Does Your Sleeping Position Say About You?

Never Date a Capricorn

Somber, demanding, and freakishly logical. Emotions? It's not clear that Capricorn has them. And while it may be flattering for a Capricorn to be serious about you, bad news: they expect you to be super serious in return. Instead try dating: Aquarius, Gemini, Leo, or Virgo

What Sign Shouldn't You Date?

the walk

yesterday i managed to walk for 5 hours 20 minutes.

it was a big deal to me.

not because i'm the average couch potato who hates running or walking under the hot sun, but because i managed to do it...

i was able to walk on...persevere without much pain.

in my mind...i told myself i had to take care of this group of kids...and for a while..my head didn't feel any pain.

all i knew was...i had to get from one point to another.

then finally...when we reached there... we could see the horizon of the sea.

my feet started to wobble..and felt like tormented tofu.

As i sat down to admire the sandcastles the kids were building, it suddenly dawned to me that impossible is nothing.

sure..it's a rip-off slogan from addidas.

then again..how many times do we tell ourselves to give up or ponder too much whether or not to cross a traffic junction or to go over the overhead bridge.

the turning points in our lives can be
- smooth sailing (downhill slope)
- painful (uphill slope/ overhead bridge)
- dangerous and slow moving ( traffic junction)

life indeed is similar to that walk.

sometimes we goto cross certain paths we dislike...but it's necessary that we move on..so that we can reach our destination.

i managed to do it because i had to stay strong for the kids.

deep down, i was panting and wishing to rest. but seeing the energy and zest of optimism before me...how could i stop.

perhaps my life isn't that horrible afterall.

on another side note.... sigh one of the young soldiers who died in the taiwan air crash was from my school.

quite sad.

a young and bright life...all geared up to face the world...only to be ruined by somebody's mistake.

it brought back memories of how i faced deaths in my life.

my grandmother and mother.

how i had to remain strong... and pretend everything's fine in front of my younger siblings.

i guess life is precious afterall. cherish those around you is one cliche we can never do without.

tickle me silly

The Part of You That No One Sees

You are passionate, romantic, and emotional. You put love first in your life, even though you have often been disappointed by it. You expect to be swept of your feet, and you never expect infatuation to die out. Underneath it all, you are scared that you aren't lovable. Your insecurity has ruined many relationships, as you are unable to see the love that's really there. You are secretly afraid of being alone. Confronting your insecurities is incredibly painful.

What's the Part of You That No One Sees?

FALLING DOWN ON A SLOPE

this morning, i woke up really early to meet up with niki and ronny to blade at east coast.

it was a fantastic morning..with good weather, sunny and not too hot. so thank god the rain went away. but anyway, as compared to niki who has been doing it since jc days and ronny who's like practising it for a year.....i'm such a beginner!

it was quite embarassing la...making my friends wait. but evil them used that tactic to make me blade more and were absolutely encouraging la. heh

then it came to a point i had to go down this slope. each of them held my hand and i fell down.

i guess i wasn't confident in the first place. especially in the area of physical activity, i'm like a very very slow learner, takes me longer than normal people to pick up a sport or even do something at the right posture and so on. perhaps a horrible childhood when i was coughing my guts away and eating all possible medicine didn't help.

yes, the background was the azure skyline, sweet smell of sea breeze and families and expat couple cycling away.

yet there i was..clumsily trying to get a balance on my blades.

it's the fourth time for me. and somehow with each time...i got slightly better.

finally i threw in the towel after 40 minutes blading away as my toes got numb from the action.

as ronny and niki bladed away while i slowly strolled back to the car park, i was thinking to myself on how i easily gave up on things that required too much time.

- i took up piano for 8 years and gave up after grade 4 because i lost the interest and i hated the piano teacher

- i gave up choir during secondary school when i could have developed depth in that area. (well yeah i returned to the choral scene in jc..but that's it. i didn't take the chance to further my development in choral singing when my choir master offered to take me in his private choir.)

- i gave up my dream for journalism after painfully trying it for 4 years and feeling discontented in myself.

- i'm contemplating giving up my current career and moving on.

Perhaps the slope is the perfect metaphor for my hopeless penchant to throw in the towel. it's like when i start out something, i have so much zest and aspiration for it, but when it came to the crunch...when i finally reach the slope...and got to have the courage to give it all up..close my eyes and just simply do it despite what's before me.

i give up.

because i'm afraid of falling down/failing/wasting my time.

i don't know. sometimes fear comes up to strangle you because of the following reasons

1) you already failed enough times to have the determination not to fear again. so it's a defeatist syndrome?

2) sometimes you are so close to success...and yet fear comes up and grabs it away from you.

i've failed enough times in life...and as i told some of my friends, sometimes i'm tired of fighting. i'm tired of trying too hard. i'm tired of working hard to get what i want only to see someone doing it better than me with less effort. i'm tired of being disappointed.

then again, ronny said something to me which was quite enlightening.

"sometimes good things are hard to get."

true.

perhaps i should have more faith in myself and push on...

yes i will strive to blade well...and of course do well in other aspects of my life.

sometimes u just goto roll on...fall down... have faith... that somehow, in the midst of chaotic attempts...you finally get it.

Seth and Summer - Forever Young

nice video clip with a nice song to it :) enjoy.

Romance is merely an beautiful vision put up to awe us...yet it eludes most of us.

perhaps it's the most beautiful irony of life.

MEMORY BLISS AND TOUCH BASE WITH THE PAST

The past presents what we were and reminds us of mistakes that we should never make again.

I used to be a fan of the past. but always looking back will cause you to crash as you step forward in the future.

Ya true, you're always looking back to check on the blindspot in your life while driving forward.

But hello.... sometimes just having the faith to turn the back on the past gives you the energy to live for yourself.

This year, someone in my past keeps popping by in my life and in some way i hope the person can make a closure and move on with his life.

It's not that i disregard what had happened in the past, but sometimes, the best way you could ever respect me is...let me lead my own life.

Don't bother me when I already told you not to.

Then again...speaking of the past, really looked back in the school days with a couple of friends online.... with such bliss.

oh well..this is just some thoughts.