best friends

i've always wanted a best friend since i was a nobody kid/wall flower child who always got ignored or bullied. so in a strange fairy-tale twist, i'm getting many really good friends in adulthood...i guess maybe it's god's way of making it up to me...after depriving me of such fruitful friendships during the earlier part of my life.

so yupz..ha ha that's all i'm going to say la..

best friend at office, best friend at school, best friend at parties, best buddies in choir.

heh so go forth and make as many "best friends" as you can (ya technically..we're only allowed to make one best friend..but heck la..heh..what's wrong with having a lot of a good thing)

looking things from the brighter side

this has been a rather traumatic week for me.

i feel so torned..emotionally, physically and mentally.

let me do a quick recap

monday was a day where i missed that someone..whom i know ......gives me a paradoxical relationship...makes me happy yet could make me very sad.

then tuesday was a weird day where everyone was trying to look for me in vain...then i received notice that my uncle who was dying from lung cancer... has finally passed on. somehow i felt happy la...that he has found the peace he wanted...and that he has found God, oddly through his neighbour..even though his siblings and their kids have already converted decades ago.

wednesday was madness...as i sorted out a lot of loose ends and had to attend a pretty long workshop...THEN meet an old friend who's off to washington.

thursday... was another mad day where i was trying to tighten more loose ends...worked non-stop and then went out for dinner.

finally friday............ where i had to go through lots of lessons........lost my cool and temper. tried to chill out end up losing my handphone YET AGAIN THIS YEAR.

but strangely this time round..i reacted mildly compared to the previous time.

i just told myself... at least i didn't lose my ipod or my wallet.

i didn't lose my friends or my immediate family.

i didn't lose my job or my health.

i didn't lose my humanity or intelligence

i didn't lose much actually.

somehow..when you are being pushed to the edge so many times... even though you get cut non-stop in every way...or even worse...cut and cut on the same spot...you learn to become stronger and more appreciative of what has to come.

i'm quite happy that at the very least...i've learnt to be positive despite everything that happened.

just glad to have friends who asked if i was ok...who didn't judge me when i was downcast.....illogical........emo-ing.......unreasonable..........demanding........exhausted.

they just simply listened and listened.

perhaps there is truly a reason why things happen the way they did.

perhaps it's god's will afterall.

perhaps one day i will finally find peace with god..the way my uncle did.

SOUL MATES IS THERE SUCH A THING?

just a ridiculously dramatic weekend..that ends with a cooling misty rainy day.

how surreal is it...for you to revisit some of your assumptions about who is your soul mate and who ought to be.

perhaps the person who does not fit into your ideal profile list turns out to be the best person for you in the end.

it's odd isn't it... aren't we supposed to get along more with people who are so much more like us...and yet we yearn for those people who have traits which we can never hope to have.

well.... just an afternoon musing.

Spanish Hustle by The Fatback Band Mexican Vinyl Compilation

gosh an outdated version of what i hear at the clubs but still nice :)

Kh - Let The Drums Speak - Fatboy Slim

i prefer the phil asher's version...by Bah Samba heh. but this is the closest i can find.

the tune.... that really makes me dance ....and be merry...in a detached manner

DIVORCES, CANCER AND RELATIONSHIPS

yupz. my pet topic. relationships and more relationships. but back to the agenda.
it was mighty a gloomy sunday morning as i headed down to the familiar white walls and antibiotics stench of the hospital ward at NUH today with my dad and sister. We went to see my uncle, who's suffering from lung cancer. The poor old man aged so much...and yes... this may sound like some anti-smoking advertisement but ya... smoking does kill. it's sad to see that he's just waiting to die as he holds the bible and rosary closely by his side. yet his humanly side shows when he craves for unhealthy drinks like coke, orange juice and so forth to quench his thirst. perhaps his thirst to live.

I felt alienated by this encounter, rather disconnected and detached. I was never close to him yet as my dad stood by him, there was this odd sense of silence as they had nothing to say.

i sometimes wonder if one day, the state of my relationship with my sisters would reach to that state. hopefully not. but then it got me thinking on a lot of things.

as much as my uncle was a misfit in the family, he had been a loving husband, and statistically, his marriage is successful given that he and his wife are still loving...when my dad's other siblings have divorced with their spouses.

come to think of it... relationships are the worst investments one can ever have, because it's based on luck, chance, fate and destiny.

1) you can love a person who doesn't deserve your love

2) you can also dislike a person who really loves you

3) it's hard to differentiate between passionate love and everlasting love.

whatever it is. when my uncle's wife asked me two pertinent questions, can i cook and do i have a boyfriend.

so...my purpose in life is to cook and be a maid to a guy? hmmm perhaps not.

in bohemian style, i just told her off the cuff that money is my boyfriend for now.

for at least money is tangible and useful.

ah well... just plain old cynical once again.

REBELLION IN MY TWENTIES

it's mighty odd that i grew up as the dutiful daughter and student only to end up like an edgy adult.

could it be that i was made to grow up too quickly or is it resentful boiling over for way too long?

sometimes i do wonder if the process of self discovery was perhaps delayed and so now i'm doing the exploration and acting like a bloody spoilt teenager.

so which is better?

getting into trouble when you're too young and with parents at your backs and when you're too broke?

or getting into trouble when you're too old, with no parenst at your back and yet you can afford the expensive fun?

adult rebellion. i'm in for it :)

FRIENDS VERSUS LOVERS

It really really sucks that some people whom you love really a lot can never be your lovers. Well, that's a conclusion i made with some friends the other day.

emotional attachment and companionship does not seem to be enough and add in the complication of a crazy century's working pace, broken down society and so forth.

perhaps that's why i'm better off being the gal pal of my male guyfriends, rather than being the muse...the girlfriend material.

so let's compare

When you're the gal pal, you get endless loyalty points and emotional support from your guyfriends, no emotional hang-ups or sexually tense situations. just plain old simple friendship. and even if crap happens in the love scene, you'll still be friends. you're also free to date around and meet new people. no jealousy, no outbursts, no terrible scenes.

however, when you're the girlfriend, there are just too much responsibility, expectations and obligations that make the formally steamy moments rather unsexy. suddenly you got to give up time spent with your friends.

sigh.

maybe i'm thinking too much.

or just maybe i've grown too cynical.

One More Time

heh retro time. nice old roswell with a nice track from the real mccoy. enjoy. the romance between liz and max is spectacular.

JUST A DAY OF DEBATING AND DOCUMENTARY

yeah finally the debates are over!

anyway... headed down with dear fern to watch a local film by Tan Pin Pin, it was a documentary called invisible city.

being the lazy girl that i was...i was really happy that fern asked me if i wanted to watch it too when she went to buy it heh.

the docu was fab. it talks loosely about the ownership of singapore's history and it was a refreshing look at it. beyond the silly text book definitions and labels, it looked at the viewpoints of one ethnographer, one professor, one archaeologist, one old guy reflecting on the old days of chinese students, one guy who used to fight against the japanese during world war 2.

then again...it's my interpretation. i guess tt's the beauty of such docus... it invites reaction and contemplation among its audience...rather than dictate the themes and values.

for more info... you can refer to this url

http://invisiblecity.sg/