Signs

just today i received some sad news from a friend. i was shocked at the relevation.

it's perhaps god's way of telling me that it's time to move on and say hello to a new phase of my life.

i've always loved moving onto another journey, but trapped together with the rebellious maverick who loves spontaneous changes is an old lady who is still tied to her sentimental strings to people and things of the past.

i feel so much older now. grown up a lot in my twenties...and when i look back at the person i was five years ago.....i've become so different.

like the other day when the ex spoke to me on msn......it felt super weird. and i even wondered why did i even fancy him in the first place.

perhaps the past me loved him deeply..but tt person has died and in her place is a more evolved version.

maybe that's what biologists always claim.

the natural selection. haha. except that in this case it's a warped version. i've mutated to a completely different person.

in a way.....i'm glad i did not succumb to the pressures of wedding bells or ticking biological clock because.....it'll be quite scary to see how i cope now committing to things that the past me loved....and how the present me can accept such commitments made when i was so young.

don't get me wrong. i am not feeling emo or upset or jaded.

it's a strange sense of detachment.........such that........... things don't bother me anymore.

i just live, breathe, love, get hurt, be loved, embrace, let go, learn, give, take............in the way god wants me to learn from a journey we call life.

ya..... finally...... i found the answers my inner soul so wanted to know from god.

and that is..... have faith and let god do the rest.

our past ghosts

there are times we think we got over someone or something, but somehow these ghosts of the past seem to reappear in different forms at different times.

the purpose of their so-called demonic renewal or reappearance?

maybe it is to make us reexamine our real thoughts or misgivings...whether we have really gotten over these past ghosts...and if these past ghosts do affect us as much.

in the past i used to be really affected when they do.

now?

i merely embrace and smile.

perhaps some so-called past ghosts are here to stay.

and if we're ok with it...we've truly moved on.

RESTLESS

This has been a restless period for me...starting from march until april. somehow i find my solace in fiction, film and books.

one good rental find was the chinese movie Eternal Summer. it's a surreal story that shows how thin the line between friendship and love could be. and somehow this year i learnt a great deal of lesson from it.

i used to be the type of can pigeon hole my friends very easily.

I just put a friend as a friend or a lover potential as a potential.

Seldom do the two collide.

which is why i was shocked when 1 friend tried to cross that line.

maybe i'm naive to think that true platonic friendship can exist between a guy and a girl.

or rather i assumed everyone else thought like me.

oh well...it's really a good movie..and here's the synopsis i got from this website http://movies.msn.com/movies/movie.aspx?m=2103602&affid=100037&mp=syn

"Three high-school students experience the perks and pratfalls of modern love in director Leste Chen's sensitive tale of friendship and yearning. As a child living in a seaside town in southern Taiwan, studious Jonathan (Bryant Chang) was asked by his concerned teacher to look after rebellious classmate Shane (Joseph Chang). Ten years later, what was once a good-natured obligation has since blossomed into a warm friendship, with Jonathan still on the academic track and Shane finding his calling on the basketball court. When Taiwanese-born schoolgirl Carrie (Katy Yeung) transfers to their school from Hong Kong and convinces Jonathan to join her on a secret day trip to Taipei, her botched effort to seduce him in a sleazy love hotel, combined with her observations of his and Shane's friendship, soon leads her to believe that the object of her affections is a homosexual in love with his best friend. Despite her initial misgivings about the boorish Shane, Carrie soon begins to give in to the troublemaker's roguish charm when he convinces her to become his girlfriend if he is accepted into a university. Later, as Shane pulls his act together and Jonathan begins to experience a sexual-identity crisis, the former does his best to keep his feelings for Carrie secret in order to protect the feelings of his lifelong friend. Despite Jonathan's, Shane's, and Carrie's best efforts to keep their personal feelings secret, the truth eventually emerges, forcing all three to view their relationships in an entirely new light."