IT'S STRANGE BUT TRUE

it's strange but true that....

happiness is actually easy to find.

it comes in spurts and when you least expect it to find, it's there.

ya. i know the emo monster has temporarily disappeared. and somehow while riding on someone's bike today, i felt happy.

ya the company helped. but it was more of how actually...i suddenly realised my life isn't so bad afterall.

it's all about perception i guess as someone once tried to put across to me.

it's hard indeed.

this is how i'm feeling. ya the updated remix of one of my favourite techno songs haha.



it's quite funny how long ago i felt like this.

perhaps 10 years ago?

when little things mattered to me.

now i'm more grounded and know that sometimes the ground beneath me might shamble and fall apart.

it's strange but true but in an odd sense...it took me 27 years to realise.... sometimes... being happy isn't a state or have prerequisites or even an outcome or an initial condition to begin with.

it is just there in front of you and it's up to you to see that it exist. haha

in my memory

wow..found this track accidentally...

totally can relate to how it feels.

i feel like it now..although suffering from bouts of bad flu.......argh i hate being sick and being drugged by medication.

one nice colleague told me i looked very grouchy and unhappy..i told her tt's becoz i'm not well..so i look like tt when unwell heh.

the aftermath of the birthday

heh yeah i finally turned 27...a step closer to the big 3-0.

and yes i had a fab time with friends at cafe del mar and so on.

the ones who turned up: viv and krys; my sis gen, brabra, bryan ho, joe, dawn, evy, dan, grace and jenna.

it felt serene seeing the sun set in the beach setting of cafe del mar...with strangely slow trance tunes in the air and the zen like still air filling our noses...and giving us our every breath.

likewise i guess that's how i see life now.

"let it be" mantra.

how i'm feeling is depicted by tiesto's mtv below heh.



generally... i feel blessed.....just as i am as disappointed in life.

i have wonderful friends who care a lot about me...despite my very own imperfections and limitations. my bizarre mood swings. my indecisive nature. my odd ability to go back on my word. my bad temper. my pessimism. my resigned nature.

and yeah... i was supposed to turn my back on him.

supposed to.

yet i guess people say one will feel lonely right after the birthday celebration when all the anticipation of excitement dies down.

i msged him...and he responded.

i don't know what to do say.. but he's always there when i needed someone to cuddle and to hug and to talk to.

it's really hard to move on la.

especially from the very person who understands me and knows how to make me happy so instinctively and vice versa.

i'm not upset. i'm not deluded and certainly not unhappy.

i'm just at a stage where i feel the two Ws.

whatever and will see how things go. (ok four more extra words haha)

hee

hee

bleeding in love

Bleeding Love - Leona Lewis

Closed off from love
I didn’t need the pain
Once or twice was enough
And it was all in vain
Time starts to pass
Before you know it you’re frozen

But something happened
For the very first time with you
My heart melts into the ground
Found something true
And everyone’s looking round
Thinking I’m going crazy

But I don’t care what they say
I’m in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don’t know the truth
My heart’s crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

Trying hard not to hear
But they talk so loud
Their piercing sounds fill my ears
Try to fill me with doubt
Yet I know that the goal
Is to keep me from falling

But nothing’s greater
Than the rush that comes with your embrace
And in this world of loneliness
I see your face
Yet everyone around me
Thinks that I’m going crazy, maybe, maybe

But I don’t care what they say

I’m in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don’t know the truth
My heart’s crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I....

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

And it’s draining all of me
Oh they find it hard to believe
I’ll be wearing these scars
For everyone to see

I don’t care what they say
I’m in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don’t know the truth
My heart’s crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I....

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open and I....

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love

CNY and the emo stuff

it's the 2nd day of the new year, and i was feeling rather down the night before.

the aftermath of after thoughts of something that should have remained in the past.

i was feeling rather emo and depressed as i thought about how i longed for that someone and managed to get over him... yet i allowed myself to once again open that little crack in my heart for him to reach inside yet again.

and yes i felt as if a whole hand went into my heart through that crack and squeezed the inside until they seem like little pieces of tomatoes.

yet. the key word is yet.

i knew that it can't go on...so, i told him (ha i know for the millionth time) that we shouldn't meet again.

no more.

and of course he had little reaction.

and yeah i know how he might have so much disbelief since i've said that so many times yet went back on my word again.

but.

i have to.

i don't see myself yearning for him years later only to get emptiness and disappointment in return.

i love myself too much to do that to myself.

despair shouldn't be my middle name.

renewal should be.

so bye... closed that crack in my heart again and hope it doesn't leak once more.

went for body combat class today...and reflected in the steam room.

had some quiet time to myself..and finally went home to cook dinner.

strangely...all these cheered me up once again.

miracle

"Miracle"

Boy meets girl
You were my dream,my world
But i was blind
You cheated on me from behind
So on my own
I feel so all alone
Though I know it's true
I'm still in love with you

I need a miracle
I wanna be your girl
Give me a chance to see
That you are made for me
I need a miracle
Please let me be your girl
One day you'll see it can happen to me
I need a miracle
I wanna be your girl
Give me a chance to see
That you are made for me
I need a miracle
Please let me be your girl
One day you'll see it can happen to me
It can happen to me

Miracle... Miracle [echo]

Day and night
I'm always by your side
Cause I know for sure
My love is real my feelings pure
So take a try
No need to ask me why
Cause I know it's true
I'm still in love with you

I need a miracle...
I wanna be your girl
Give me a chance to see
That you are made for me
I need a miracle
Please let me be your girl
One day you'll see it can happen to me
I need a miracle
I wanna be your girl
Give me a chance to see
That you are made for me
I need a miracle
Please let me be your girl
One day you'll see it can happen to me
It can happen to me

Miracle... Miracle [echo]

Miracle... Miracle [echo]

realisation

realise, understand are some of the most commonly used words in my everyday lingo, or at least in my thoughts.

this year started out well when i realised that i needed to be more expressive and assertive when it came to my feelings and emotions. just suppressing them wasn't the way to go, i needed to rant it out or at least be truthful to myself and the other person.