IDEALS AND HOW THEY GET WASHED AWAY

just last night i was having a really disturbing dream about someone in my past.

i was at a rather beautiful hotel resort in bangkok. and somehow someone i wish who wasn't in my life...was staying at the hotel room next to me. not only that. he plotted to kill me by sneaking into my room with a knife.... stabbing me...trying to slice my thighs.

yeah. i woke up in a cold sweat and wondering what the hell did i dream of such vivid horror.

perhaps it's because i'm afraid that my past will come creeping back into my life. sigh now that i've moved on feeling happy..i wish things remain the way they ought to.

i sometimes wonder how on earth did i end up so cynical and left heartbroken and perhaps empty by some experiences in life.

while talking to a friend online..i was revisiting the days when i was that girl-next-door, with that horrible curly hair...tied up in a pony tail....all geared up to face the future with an eager heart.

back then, i believe in romance. i believed in butterflies in the stomach.

kissing someone while watching the sunset....with flowers in my hand was sort of a joy to me.

frankly.

i no longer view such scenes with such distinct love and affection.

to me..it's just a beautiful scene left behind called memory.

seriously...i feel it's sad that 7 years on...i ended up more cynical, jaded, than ever before.

or should i revisit that romantic side of me once more?

or should i just keep that place locked until someone worthy comes along?

then again...do i still keep the key...and is it lost?

Stuck On U

my ultimate ah lian song. :p

SOME HOLIDAY THOUGHTS

yeah it's that time of the year when chinese new year beakons. somehow, it feels quieter and lonelier this year, with my favourite aunt away and my good friends overseas, one cannot help but do more reflection when there's peace and quiet.

i'm glad for this solitude la.

on one hand, i love crowds and the rush of the andrenalin....when one gets to know people, mingle in the crowd....amidst some house/techno/jazz music...in the lingering quiet light.

then again, despite enjoying the moments of bonding and entertaining my friends, i sometimes wish to be left alone.

yeah left alone with me, myself and my thoughts.

and yes..some thoughts did come to mind.

- bad things happen, good things happen, they all happen for a good reason...all in god's plan and timing.

- perfection is not the way to live life. it's riding the imperfection and making the most of things.

- live life fearlessly....listen to your instincts even though it goes against the goodness of your heart.

- don't regret what went wrong, be grateful that you already know the problems.

(korean song) kiss - Because i'm a girl

yet another romantic moment from korea.

Far Away Video

yeah the song's ringing in my head.

AHA - Take on me

heh one of my favourite retro songs :)

Babel

I was in one of those moods which strongly craved for solitude, alone time with me, myself and my depressed thoughts. i headed down town to eat dinner on my own at this nice little corner...where there're not many people.

i bought a movie ticket for myself. walked around and read a book.

this movie is fantastic. i don't know about you, but i can feel the utmost sadness and emptiness depicted in the movie. it's just saying, sure all of us are in a shrinking world, but is this world really smaller ...or simply even more empty?

i relate it back to my life and i realise that if i were to disappear for a day, only a few people will notice.

if i were to disappear for a week..only a handful.

yeah i know. i sound suicidal..but no i'm totally not :p

just some thoughts.

happy moments

i guess yes i've been quite a whiny bitch for a long time. heh now is the time to share some happy thoughts.

had a blast last night with some friends and i wondered why.

the place was the same. the group of friends is still the same. we're older. supposed to be more jaded and tired.

yet we sort of found some avenue to have fun.

to live life.

to feel energized.

heh basically have fun :)

thanks people for the night out!

my dear ah ma, ah mm, ah kong, ah pek.

:)

love your ah sau.

is there kindness left in the world?

it's sad to see how people are so individualistic nowadays. every man for himself.

but it's even more disheartening to see young minds exhibiting such behaviour without much concern for those aronud them.

all i can say is...i can't hope to change them....

perhaps change their perspectives on things.