SUNSHINE AFTER THE RAIN

it's amazing how i actually feel happy and relieved despite what had happened last week.

sometimes i'm amazed.

but frankly, thank god for the prayers la from my friends...and of course their love and comfort and care.

so tonight i went to talk to the boss upstairs....to really chat with him, confide in him, complain to him about everything.

and somehow..i really felt better about everything.

ya sure...

shit will happen

murphy may prevail on some days.

but god is eternal :p

and erm perhaps he had created murphy and put murphy in place heh.

AFTER THE STORM

yeah i was feeling really terrible over the weekend until wednesday, i guess i was reevaluating myself as a person and some risks i took which weren't worth the while.

but then again, thank god i had friends who rallied around me to help me get over this terrible phase.

really relieved i've flushed out all those negative emotions and begin to be my normal self.

perhaps this is a year of discovery, and refinement.

what seems to work yesterday will be dumped into the shredder for its redundant nature.

yah.

so that's the life for me for now.

take what's useful, leave behind whatever's dragging me behind.

calm after the storm

yeah i've experienced a storm of emotions, lost in the haze and possibly my own feelings.

i've never felt so handicapped or lost before. I never felt so vulnerable.

but i knew that it was a risk i took, and this is the consequence i'll face...or rather are already facing. heh

well, i just didn't expect it to be so painful.

whatever it is, it'll just be one of the learning lessons in life. :)

numb

if there's a time one can ever feel numb and feel as if nothing in this world is worth a second look, a second touch or a second feel............well today's the day.

i felt down. down. down.
taken for a ride
taken for granted
taken for a fool

perhaps numb is the word. i don't know how to feel anymore.

should i feel angry or hurt?
or should i just feel upset or nonchalant?
it's a tie between the two..

but for now..i think my heart is taking a time out..and the cold-blooded brain is taking over for the moment.

so no more miss nice
no more miss patience
no more miss lovely

now it's plain business.

some things are less hazy

the stupid haze has psychological effects on my social circle recently. it seems everyone's less patient, more grouchy and feeling really down.

sometimes i wonder if it's because of the haze or just simply that it made our problems seem worse.

i was in a haze of my own... wondering if i should go forward or back. some may say i'm fickle, but the truth is i don't wish to make a decision, because once i do, there's no changing back. sigh.

i don't know

i just hate making decision and enforcing them. not because i love to procrastinate and leave things hanging, but sometimes i wonder why some things got to be so definite and sure.


sigh

bloody haze

SIGH

Joy Enriquez How Can I Not Love You Lyrics
Cannot touch, cannot hold
Cannot be together
Cannot love, cannot kiss,
Cannot have eachother

Must be strong, and we must let go
Cannot say what our hearts must know
How can I not love you?
What do I tell my heart?
When do i not want you here in my arms?
How does one waltse away from all of the memories?
How do I not miss you when you are gone?

Cannot dream, Cannot share,
Sweet and tender moments
Cannot feel how we feel,
Must pretend it's over

Must be brave, and we must go on
Must not say what we've known all along
How can I not love you?
What do I tell my heart?
When do I not want you here in my arms?
How does one waltse away from all of the memories?
How do I not miss you when you are gone?
How can I not love you?

Must be brave, and we must be strong
Cannot say what we've known all along
How can I not love you?
What do I tell my heart?
When do I not want you here in my arms?
How does one waltse away from all of the memories?
How do I not miss you when you are gone?

How can I not love you when you are gone?

DREAMS

hmmm got inspired by my friend joe's bloggie series about his dreams in life :)

before i get too caught up with working, working, sleeping, eating...etc

guess i shall just do a mental and some form of finger aerobics to note down the things i really want to do in life.

If i have the money/opportunity........

1) I would sell the current flat...and move my whole family to a much nicer, better place. :)

2) i would want to work in a bank one day.....yeah that's a dream in a pipeline :)

3) would want to study forever...i just love learning.......guess that's what i love about my job. every day i'm learning something new, about the kids, about my work...about life in general.

4) perhaps sponsor my sisters to their dream courses and groom them to the next step of their life full time :)

5) travel a fair bit.....:) yeah i need the break soon.

6) If possible...hmm get married to a nice guy and have kids!! ha ha of course i'm not desperate la... even if i can't get married ...it's fine with me, i'm already married to my work place.

IRONY

it's pretty ironic that you do the things you swear you don't want to do

you fall for things that you thought you will never give a second look

you don't care about things that matter so much by the rest of the world

you believe in things that you used to think were absurb

you become jaded in things you used to believe in

you care about people who don't really care much about you

you don't care about people who care a lot about you

you dream a lot about things that you've not done before

you doze off dreaming doing the things you've already done before.

all these are rather weird notions, thoughts, concepts, assumptions.......

all in the life of justagirl...who's still trying to figure things out. :)

EARLY MORNING RAMBLING

sad. empty. pondering.

these are three things that i'm fixated on for the past weekend.

feeling rather down without knowing why.

feeling rather empty without understanding why

pondering about some things which i know i shouldn't

ay.

being awake at an hour i should be snoozing.

being asleep at an hour when i should be awake.

perhaps my life is in a mess

yet it seems more organised than before.

indeed...i live in a mixed up life.

one song ringing in my head now

heh. an old hit from the early 1990's. for some reason i've always loved this song :)

IN ALL THE RIGHT PLACES

(j. barry/l. stansfield/i. devaney/a. morris)

If you take me straight to heaven
I could never fall
cos loving you is what Im made for
Id gladly give my all and all
It doesnt matter where I am
As long as Im with you
You can take me high above
Whatever Ive been dreaming of

Chorus:
In all the right places, its feeling so good
In all the right places. just like it should
And I swear, I love you
And I swear, I love you

If were dancing all alone
Or in a crowded room
When you wrap your arms around me
You can always send me to the moon
When we kiss our sugar kisses
And the music starts to play
Weve got love, weve got each other
And were going all the way

Chorus

Find times never wasted, when its ours to kill
I know in all the right places, youre touching me still
And I swear, I love you
And I swear, I love you

And I swear, I love you
And I swear, I love you
I love you

TRIALS AND SUFFERINGS

just an encouragement note to all those who feel very tired, dragged down by whatever is bothering them. no matter how small or big your problem is.... it's still suffering...... whether on your pockets or your hearts..it sure sucks the life out of you.

i was chatting with my friend colin about being strong in times of trial. and in a way i myself am going through certain trials. of course it's too personal to share on an online platform, but if you are my close friend, you will surely know it.

but anyway whenever i feel down about something or am troubled from my problems...

i always turn to these sources

1) god
2) the bible
3) my friends/family
4) listening to my ipod and get carried away from this world for a while
5) throw myself at work.
6) worry about other people so i won't be too preoccupied with myself
7) exercise

yeah. they are my emotional blankets...where i can hide away from my problems..or at least momentarily get over those emotional urges.

sigh.

yeah it is painful in those moments. but because you yourself are your worst enemy, or you know yourself best...you should also know how you can relieve stress for a while...to get away from the problems.

sure most problems don't go away...and i'm not asking you to indulge in self denial..but frankly speaking..since worrying will never ever chase those problems away...it'll be best to at least stay positive until the storm is over.

chill friends.

thank god for friends like evy, dawn, sue, sanjay, colin, jonathan, the bryans, eunice, sophie and more!!

i feel so blessed already :)

QUIZ ME BABY

Your Reputation Is: Mean Girl

You rule through teasing and intimidation.. Yet, people would give the world to be your friend

What's Your Reputation?

Guys Think You're Easy to Be With... But Not Easy

You're definitely a flirt - and a good one. But you also know that you shouldn't make a move on any cute guy who passes by. You save your seductive moves for someone who already knows the real you. That way, your sex appeal is just part of the whole package.

Are You Easy?

You Are Midtown

You love so many things, you don't fit into any one label. Your city girl persona goes to a fancy restaurant one night and a dive bar the next.

Are You Uptown or Downtown?

Your Power Color is Green

You feel most at home in a world of ideas. You're curious and logical - and enjoy a good intellectual challenge. You're super cool, calm, and collected. Very little tries your patience. Your only fear? People not realizing how smart and able you are!

What's Your Power Color?

You are Wedge Sandals

Bohemian and sexy You're a free spirit - both in life and in fashion You have a style all your own, and it turns heads!

What Kind of Sandal Are You?

You Are Most Like Scarlett Johansson

“One of the best things for a woman to hear is that she is sexy.”

What Modern Bombshell Are You Most Like?

Your Perfume is Glow

Fresh, sexy, and clean. You're real, intimate, and exciting. Your lush sensuality appeals to men... And you're as sexy as Jennifer Lopez. Power scents: Orange flower, grapefruit, and citrus.

What Perfume Are You?

You Should Be With an Air Sign!

Your best match is a Gemini, Libra, or Aquarius Why? You crave excitement and playful banter Only an Air Sign can match your wit - and keep you on your toes As for fun, an Air Sign guy will show you plenty? with tons of surprises Just be sure to introduce him to some new playful experiences as well!

What Sign Should You Date?

what keeps us sane

my friend dawn and i were discussing how we can remain sane in this horrible world...while doing our job.......is there any way to remain sane and non-cynical, not so jaded about the job...because of the job.

for myself.......i tell myself these few things whenever things go bad.

1) i'm doing it because i believe in the work...and i don't care if i don't get any recognition for it. extra recognition is definitely a bonus though..but it's not everything. :)

2) always refer back to the bible to remain sane...somehow some quotes from there will pop up and keep me sane :)

3) have a life..even when it's impossible to have one. go out with friends. chill out. date around. get a new hobby. get to know new people...etc

4) know what's truly important in life. keeping yourself happy! making those loved ones and friends know how much you care for them.

OBVIOUSLY ADDICTED TO BLOGONLY :)

yeah. i'm so fascinated with personality quizzes because i've always wanted to be reflective and wonder what kind of person i am sometimes. well..truth be told...sometimes it's tough to be introspective when you're blind to your own faults or are not so observant of some character traits :)

so here's one of my vices...ha ha doing too many personality quizzes... hell not really a vice..except that it makes one waste a lot of time online...hee. and hmmm not exercise? become an arm chair critic of yourself :)

You Should Be In Atomic Kitten

Cute and stylish - you're the perfect little pop package. Oh, and you can sing a little too :-)

What Girl Group Should You Be In?

Men See You As Playful

Men want a challenge and you are the perfect playmate You know how to push men's buttons and attract a wide range of guys You enjoy living and loving - it's one of your most attractive qualities Men are often consumed with desire for you, and you love that!

How Do Men See You?

Your Inner Retro Girl Is

1970s Disco Diva

What Retro Girl Are You?

Your 80s Heartthrob Is

John Stamos

Who's Your 80's Heartthrob?

You Are Sheryl Crow!

Down to earth with tons of creative energy When you talk, everyone can relate to you "Life springs eternal On a gaudy neon street Not that I care at all"

Who's Your Inner Rock Chick?

What People Think of Your Mouth

People see you both as reserved and sweet. You tend to be very sensitive and detail oriented. The smallest things can please or annoy you. You tend to be internally moody. Perceptive and intuitive, you understand people quickly - though you usually won't tell them.

What Does Your Mouth Say About You?

rebel

sigh shit.

the rebel in me have emerged yet again

and i'm going to be persecuted for it. ha ha

yeah what to do.

i think the way i want..and i say what i want :p

more silly quizzies

Men See You As: A Difficult Challenge

You must be an incredible hottie... Because it's the only way you can pull of the ice queen act You're the type of woman that men love to chase But if you don't stop running, you'll never get caught!

Are You a Challenge?

You are Ready to Date Again

If you're not out there already, you should be. Your ex is long gone from your heart, and you are ready for another relationship. Any guy you meet gets a clean slate - and no emotional baggage. Congratulations, you've gotten completely over him. Now, on to a better guy :-) It's time for you to start dating! Post your photo and profile on a bunch of personals sites. Before long, you won't have any more lonely Saturday nights.

Are You Ready To Date Again?

You Are More Than Friends

If you and your guy friend haven't hooked up yet, you will soon This guy is attracted to you and even cares about you deeply He has incredible boyfriend potential - as long as you dig him back So what are you waiting for? Make a move! He's probably just too shy!

Is He More Than a Friend?

You'll Find Love Where You Least Expect It

You're the type most likely to find love... surprised? You shouldn't be! You're a fun, independent woman who is always out and about. And you're smart to sometimes leave your girlfriends behind and go it alone. Men love to approach you when you're out by yourself - including Mr. Perfect!

Where Will You Find Love?

You'll Find a Boyfriend Within 3 Months

Maybe you need a bit more time to get over an ex Or maybe you need a confidence boost to talk to new guys Either way, you'll find a boyfriend in time... As long as you keep getting out there and meeting new guys

When Will You Meet Your Next Boyfriend?

You Should Date An Italian!

You love for old fashioned romance, with an old fashioned guy An Italian guy is the perfect candidate to be your prince charming If your head doesn't spin enough, just down another espresso with him Invest in a motorcycle helmet - and some carb blocker for all that pasta!

Which Foreign Guy Should You Date?

heartwrenching moments

when was the last time you felt your heart shatter into pieces...

or when it has simply.... shatter into even smaller pieces??

i don't know exactly know why i'm feeling so down lately.

all i know is at the moment, for some strange reason, my heart is flooded with a lot of irrational emotion and thoughts.

sigh.

but thank god la. i have friends like dawn, sue, evy, eunice, sanjay and more to help me get through this. :)

love you guys :)

and of course......... god.

somehow i know that...........i'll get through this. :)

Girly quizzes :p

You are Bettie Page

Girl next door with a wild streak You're a famous beauty - with unique look And the people like you are cultish about it

What Famous Pinup Are You?

You Are Most Like Gisele Bundchen

Slightly exotic and perfectly gorgeous

Which Victoria's Secret Angel Are You?

You Are A Relationship Rescuer!

You don't ruin relationships, if anything you keep them together The key: you respect yourself and your guy. Which goes further than you might think. You simply treat your guy how you would like to be treated... the old golden rule. And in return, he treats you like gold - or at least tries. And how perfect is that

Do You Ruin Relationships?

You Attract A Good Amount of Guys

While you may not get the most offers in the room, You've got a good thing going - dating wise You could flirt more and dress up a bit to attract more guys But in general, you are doing just fine!

Are You Attractive?

You Have Your PhD in Men

You understand men almost better than anyone. You accept that guys are very different, and you read signals well. Work what you know about men, and your relationships will be blissful.

How Well Do You Understand Men?

You Are A Professional Girlfriend!

You are the perfect girlfriend - big surprise! Heaven knows you've had enough practice. That's why you're a total pro. If there was an Emily Post of girlfriends, it would be you. You know how to act in every situation ... to make both you and your guy happy.

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?

You Should Shop at the Gap

All American and preppy clothes - with a touch of attitude

What Store Matches Your Style?

You Are a Natural Beauty!

You're the kind of beauty that every guy dreams about... One that looks good in the morning - without a stich of makeup That's doesn't mean you're a total hippie chic though You have style, but for you, style is effortless

What Type of Beauty Are You?

Your Summer Fling May Last

At times, your summer fling feels like it will last - and it just might. While you and your guy may be intoxicated with passion, there is some substance there. Don't get your hopes up, but do give this summer fling a chance in the fall. It's possible that these strong feeling will last!

Will Your Summer Fling Last?

The Only Thing You Play is "Cool"

It's not that you don't have the skills to juggle a few men? Nope, you just lack the desire. You prefer dating to be a simple one on one process. No games, no other people, no drama - just you and the guy you're getting to know.

Are You a Player?

He Could Be More Than a Hookup

But you're not really sure what you want him to be. Sometimes you have fairly serious feelings for him. If you think there could be more, than go for it. (Just make sure he wants something more too!)

Is He Just a Hookup?

my eggs are crying for help

ha ha. yes my clock is ticking as we speak.... another egg in me probably rotted and died :p

i don't know. i guess being a woman really sucks sometimes. you just cannot decide what you really want.

my married friends envy me for my swinging partying hard type of lifestyle, but i envy them for their stable relationship where they have a loving husband, and in some cases, a cute little child to play with.

yeah i guess it must be the movie. kindda reminded me how much i loved kids.

of course i'll not get married for the sake of it...sigh have seen how some marriages died or become so messy that sometimes it's not worth starting it :p

so in the meantime...keeping my options open.

and who knows i might not get married in the end.

i may end up adopting some kid in cambodia or the cameroon :p

BABY OH BABY

gosh. i never knew i would say this but..... jackie chan's latest movie flick is fab.

if there's any campaign to encourage pple to give birth....this movie ought to be the one. the baby of the show stole the show away. sigh.



how can anyone hate a face like this?? argh!!!



and what better way to promote a baby.... than to have a hunk and an action hero kissing the little bundle of joy.

Sigh if only i can find a man to marry and have kids with hee.

guess that's the hard part....as always. :p