waiting

waiting for the right moment
waiting for the wrong moment to painfully zip past you
waiting for the best moment to tell your friend the worst news
waiting for the worst moment so that you can spite your friends.

wait, wait wait.

how many of us dread waiting? well i have my hands and legs raised up on this.

i hate waiting.

especially for an answer, for direction for some clue, for some inkling of suggestion.

i am waiting for a direction in my life.

not so much from the god from above but of course from myself.

sigh.

hope this waiting period will end soon.

13 Going on 30- back to the start.

my current state of mind

got tagged

got tagged by my dear friend sue.

so here goes.

Layer One: On the Outside
Name: justagirl/you should know :p
Current status: Single and unavailable
Eye Colour: dark brown
Hair Colour: black
Righty or Lefty: Right…

Layer Two: On the inside
Your Heritage: Chinese
Your Fears: smell of dead pet fish and basically bad scents.
Your Weakness: nice nua place....or nice place playing the band
Your Perfect Pizza: no favourites seafood maybe?

Layer Three: Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow
Your thoughts first thing when you wake up: Turn on the snooze button and go back to sleep.
Your Bedtime: depends on whether or not i'm so tired i concuss...
Your most missed memory: the times in jc...the times with friends..the times gone by.

Layer Four: Your Pick
Pepsi or Coke: Coke
McDonald’s or Burger King: burger king
Single or Group Dates: Single…
Adidas or Nike: Nike
Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate
Cappucino or Coffee: coffee...dun like the foam.

Layer Five: Do You…
Smoke: No.
Curse: ha ha rhetorical question.
Take a shower: hmmm :p
Have a crush: not at the moment.
Think you’ve in love: well being in love is just a state of the mind.
Go to school: ha ha yes.
Want to get married: nay.
Believe in yourself: sometimes
Think you’re a health freak: well..i'm starting to panick.

Layer Six: In the Past Month
Drank alcohol: Yes…
Gone to the mall: Yes…
Been on stage: yes
Eaten Sushi: ha ha yes!
Dyed your hair: i prefer highlights.

Layer Seven: Have you ever…
Played a Stripping Game: nopez
Changed who you were to fit in: i don't change..i merely switch to my company's mode.

Layer Eight: Age
You’re hoping to get married: hmmm actually doesn't matter...when everything is right.

Layer Nine: In a Girl/Guy
Best Eye Colour: dark brown
Best Hair Colour: chestnut brown
Short or long hair: Short

Layer Ten: What were you doing
1 Min ago: Doing this thing…
1 hour ago: talking to my friends on msn.
4.5 hours ago: on my way back in a cab
1 Month Ago: having meetings.
1 Year Ago: er cannot remember la :p

Layer Eleven: Finish the sentence
I Love: to dream, aspire, hope, wish, do, dare, argue, love, sing, dance, read.
I Feel: renewed
I Hate: hyprocrites, elitists, rude people.
I Hide: my vulnerable emotions.
I Need: space.

I tag:
1) Brabra
2) Evy
3) Niki
4) Lilian
5) Alice

invasion

Your Heart is Feeling Safe

Right now, all is good with your heart. And you intend on keeping it that way. Whether you're deeply in love or just looking, you know that your heart will be taken care of. You never risk your heart too much, but you don't hold it back either. You know who to trust your heart with. Deep down, your heart is susceptible to: Getting a little too comfortable Your current outlook on love: Calm and future oriented Your love life will improve if you: Treat other people's hearts the way you expect yours to be treated Watch out for: Taking the people you're dating for granted

What Is Your Heart Feeling?

You Are Pretty Happy Being Single

You have a full, fun life. And you definitely don't need love to be content. Of course, being single can get you down a little. Especially when you've been single for a while. But you know how to be patient and wait for the right person. You're life is too good to settle for anything!

Are You Happy Being Single?

sigh

sometimes i used to wonder what it takes to make everyone happy.

i realise i can't and i won't be able to.

but the least i can do is to make myself happy...yupz... time for some self-enrichment activities where i can find myself again.

it's been a really mad week so far.

riddle me nonsense

You Are a Flashy Red Bra!

Outgoing, friendly, and fascinating. You're a charmer, with your pick of the men. But you want a man who's as magnetic as you are. You need someone who can keep up with your all night gab fests!

What Kind of Bra Are You?

You Are 43% Scary

You're a pretty normal, nice girl... but you definitely have your scary moments. As long as you acknowledge them and apologize, you'll probably keep your guy around.

Do You Scare Off Men?

hed kandi mix

heh one of my favourite tracks.

13 Going on 30 - Why Can't I by Liz Phair

By

Get a load of me, get a load of you
Walkin' down the street, and I hardly know you
It's just like we were meant to be

Holding hands with you, and we're out at night
Got a girlfriend, you say it isn't right
And I've got someone waiting too

is, this is just the beginning
We're already wet, and we're gonna go swimming

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you

Isn't this the best part of breakin' up
Finding someone else you can't get enough of
Someone who wants to be with you too

It's an itch we know we are gonna scratch
Gonna take a while for this egg to hatch
But wouldn't it be beautiful

Here we are, we're at the beginning
We haven't fucked yet, but > heads spinning

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you

I'd love for you to make me wonder
Where it's goin'
I'd love for you to pull me under
Somethin's growin'
for this that we can control
Baby I am dyin'

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you

Fatigue

yes.

i am feeling extremely exhausted.

to the point that i am really stretched very thin and really really tired.

somehow.. i have been getting the same message from different people

" you got to think for yourself"

i guess it doesn't help that since young i'm made to think for others....care for my family.. care for my friends... care for my students.

sometimes i wonder if this caring nature of mind is taking a toll on my own personality. or rather is it consuming me too much to the point that i no longer have goals for myself?

perhaps it's a tough balance..given that i do see myself as a caretaker of others. the emotional pillar. the one who is supposed to be sensible.

yet i guess i can never ran away from the very idea that i really need to take care of myself...if not no one would. and when that happens..it'll be scary.

yes...just some rambling from a grouchy tired woman who obviously needs more sleep to function.

sometimes

i don't know why.

i just feel so meaningless and low. it's like no matter how hard i try..things just simply become worse...argh

bad time period

ok enuff ranting..back to the grind

more and more..

You Are Fall!

Thoughtful Expressive Creative Poetic Smart

What Season Woman Are You?

Your Beauty Element is Water

Feminine and dreamy, your beauty style is classic and very vintage. But you never look out of style! You have a way of making classic looks modern again.

What's Your Beauty Element?

You Are a Coy Flirt

You may not seem like you're flirting, but you know exactly what you're doing. You draw people in, very calculatingly, without them even knowing. Subtle and understated, you know how to best leverage your sex appeal. A sexy enigma, you easily become an object of obsession.

What Kind of Flirt Are You?

No Pocket Jeans

You are confident and completely comfortable with your body. You don't mind showing off - in fact, you put it all out there!

What Style of Womens Jeans Are You?

Your Expression Number is 11

You tend to be associated with idealistic concepts and spiritual issues. You have high potentials that are somewhat difficult to live up to. You have very strong intuition and you can be a bit psychic at times. Highly inspirational, you can lead merely by your own example. You have an inborn inner strength and awareness that helps you advise others. Although you have what it takes for a successful career, you belong outside the business world. Overly sensitive and temperamental, you tend to have a lot of nervous tension. You dream a lot, so much so that you may be more of a dreamer than a doer. Fantasy and reality tend to get intermingled for you, and that leads to impracticality.

What's Your Expression Number?

inner colour

Your Inner Color is Yellow

Your Personality: Life's too short not to have fun. Your bright energy brings joy and laughter to those around you. You in Love: A total flirt, you need a lot of freedom to play. But you'll be loyal to that one person who makes you feel safe. Your Career: You love variety in a job, and you probably won't stick with one career. You would make a great professor, writer, or actor.

What's Your Inner Color?

weekend bliss

You Are Basic Panties

You are a laid back chick with a real natural beauty. You can make unwashed hair and minimal make-up super sexy. Men tend to notice you show the "real you" - and they appreciate it. And while basic makes boring for some, it looks classic on you.

What Kind of Panties Are You?

You are a 1980s Diva

Bright colors, bigger than life patterns, and outrageous fashions. Your fashion style always has a retro yet futuristic edge.

What Decade Diva Are You?

You Will Be a Modern Bride!

While you aren't ready to throw away all wedding traditions, you want a wedding with a twist You're more inspired by celebrity weddings on E! than from bridal magazines Whether this means getting married on the beach barefoot or a mariachi band for the reception... Your wedding will be a blend of old and new - white dress cocktail, personalized vows, whatever suites you!!!

What Kind of Bride Will You Be?

Your Scent is Mango

Sultry, sweet, and mellow You enjoy every moment of life!

What's Your Girl Smell?

Your Passion is Purple!

You've got a ton of passion, but you don't always wear it on your sleeve. If something truly excites you, you let your inner intensity shine through. But otherwise, your passion tends to morph into energy ... which you never lack. You're a balanced woman, knowing when to turn on the fire in your heart.

What Type of Passionate Woman Are You?

PROVIDING...RECEIVING

were there times you felt down and yet you had to lift others around you up?

were there times you wished you could receive as much as you provided?

like my friend grace said... we feel joy within us..but yet we goto pursue our own happiness.

but what if the pursuit is so not worth it?

blast from the past

this period seems to be a recall of the past.

yesterday my friends and i bumped into people of our past.

yet today...i got to catch up with two people in my past.

went for janet's wedding..my old jc friend, who's now very very blisfully married, really happy for her as i saw how she persevered over the tough times. heh

then at the same table, caught up with an another old schoolmate who's now happily married.

it's quite surreal because everytime i meet that friend, i'll see her with some guy. this time, it's her husband. and the last time we met was 3 years ago at the esplanade.

sometimes life has a funny way of giving you recaps and telling you where you were and now where u were.

somehow i feel that i'm very stagnant and have not really progressed much over the past few years, whereas my friends have zipped past so quickly.

but then again, perhaps i need this slower process in order to learn better and to think through on what i really want.

guess yeah...i've changed

i've managed to be more optimistic :)