MISSING

sigh how do you know you're missing something.

well when it's lost.

when you've let it go

when you know it ain't coming back.

when you know you are not going to let it come back.

but the worst case would be.

you thought you can live without it...so you let it go for the betterment of everyone...

yet when it's gone.

you feel it.

and then missing sets in.

For All That You Want

yupz...gary barlow post take that.

Dionne Warwick's heartbreaker

nice but sad song. heh

REAL THING-you to me are everything

love this song :) brought back some sad memories though. wonder if i will ever feel this way to any one ever again.

SOME MOMENTS OF DEPRESSION

sigh shit..i think i'm feeling depressed. haven't felt like this in the longest time. everyone keeps telling to be positive, but how to be when ........whenever u try to be, things always screw up.

ya. being negative prevents hopefulness and expectations.......

sad to say but i wanna be left alone for now. of course i'll hang out with close buddies..but i'll limit to that for now.

ANYWAY i'm fine.... just dormant depression. won't kill myself or anything. just feeling......rather crappy........

THE LAST STRAW

breaking the camel's back.

the last straw.

last chance.

when do we go to the point when...no becomes the only answer.

when do we go to the point when...there is no more compromise.

i guess i've reached that stage already... in many areas of my life. and somehow i found the courage to say no to a lot of things i used to give in to in the past. is this a good thing, bad thing, possibly silly?

i doubt so.

i've always been someone who felt uncomfortable saying no to a lot of people. perhaps this will be a good way for me to realise that perhaps this can be good for me.

i'll be a happier person. :)
so...yeah ...there you have it.

justagirl has crossed over to the dark side...of being the meanie.

DECISION MAKING

one thing i wanna confess is.

i hate making decisions. not the type that only revolves around me, but the type which has huge consequences and i'll have to do a lot of planning through.

yeah i do admit, i am guilty of mulling over decisions, making a lot of detours in my opinion, overanalysing over the pros and cons, and debate myself to death about something.

but finally when i make my decision, i do wonder if i have wasted too much time pondering.

is it worth the time and effort and perhaps the agony?

perhaps.

i suppose i hate to close a chapter that i see hope and promise in.

then again, sometimes it's a matter of whether one feels it's worth the cause.

or perhaps cost.

ah well. decision made.

close of another chapter.

the harder i try

some songs are just so apt. sigh yeah. so this is how i feel about things now.

enjoy.

THE HOLIDAY

had a rather mixed day today.

lost something. gained something

thank god sue was there. she's one of the jewel friends i have in my life who truly care for me :) thanks babe!

we caught a chick flick, the holiday, to dwell in our little sisterly moods.

it's incredibly touching and romantic. and it spells some truth in the way we human beings view love and relationships. i suppose some things are really universal.

cameron and kate exchanged homes to run away from the issues in their love life.

i can tell you tat i've done that.

cameron's character lost the ability to cry after her parents divorced. well sad to say this but i'm heading there soon.

i used to be a crybaby, crying easily whenever i feel touched. the sad thing is i hardly cry anymore, or rather i feel stoned and forgot to feel. the only time i really cried last year was when i went to church and visited my late mum....when i felt so down about someone. i felt the held back tears flooding my eyes and flowing freely....as if they were released from some long prison sentence.

perhaps in a way, i goto acknowledge that whenever something bad happens in the family or in my life, i was taught not to cry about it. to be strong. to be matured. to do the right thing. to lend my shoulder for others to cry on.

yet, in a tragic way, this ate away part of me. the softer side. or some may say the feminine side.

what's left is perhaps the bitter, sarcastic, aggressive side of me.

and maybe once in a while, i would cry. but for now...i'll just shed a few tears, and that's it. tears wiped away without ruining the mascara.

as for kate's character, i saw some of her in me. how i took shit from people just way too much. how i can love someone until it hurt so badly. how i placed other people's interests before my own until my heart bleeds.

all i can say now is. i've grown more selfish. i'm too afraid to share my love to the one i love. so now only close friends and family will have that side of me for now.

i suppose the movie said a lot of things.

maybe we should all take a holiday from ourselves so that we can restart from the beginning and really see ourselves in a fresher perspective, not one that is tainted with so much pain...that the lies we tell ourselves chain us to doom.

but one thing my friend dawn reminded me was so true.

"i guess what we should be proud of is that we loved."

maybe.

perhaps

who knows.

perhaps, true faith can be scarey after all.