HOPELESS MOMENTS

There are moments in my life that i feel that is way beyond my capabilities and positive spirit.

yeah been experiencing quite a bit of that lately.

i am feeling low.

and i hate it when people tell me "oh...think about those pple who survived the world war ...etc"

well..the thing is... everyone suffers in the war, not just one or two.

as for my situation, i see people going places whereas i'm stuck and i can't move because of some commitments which i can never forsake.

so yeah. feeling rather negative and grouchy.

sigh.

some tests

Congratulations. (You passed The Animal in You Test.)

You are either a Rooster or a Bear personality.
But you may also be a Lion personality.

NOTE: Although you share characteristics with these animals, you are ONLY one of these personality types..
Read the descriptions of each animal to determine which one you are.

http://www.animalinyou.com/survey.asp

latest colourgenics profile

At this time in your life you feel like 'giving up'. For every time you have tried to build up your hopes and dreams something has come along to burst the balloon. You may feel that, at this particular moment in your life, there seems to be no chance of fulfilling these dreams but you are so wrong. You are the sort of person that can influence any situation, that is - If you don't give up. So consciously make the effort... You have that inherent power to succeed.

The way things are you are under considerable stress and you feel that there is little hope of matters righting themselves. Everyone about you seems to aggravate the problem even more. You feel that at this time you need to be alone and you are right - move back and give yourself a chance to breathe.

It is hard for you to accept that your needs and desires are misunderstood by almost everyone within your sphere of influence and there is no one to rely on. Your pent-up emotions and inherent egocentricity make you quick to take offence, but as matters stand you realise that you'll have to make the best of things as they are.

At this moment in time you feel as if you have lost the strength of will to contend with existing problems and difficulties which appear to you as deliberate opposition. You are trying to stand your ground but the pressures are intolerable. You would like some co-operation from those around you but it's not forthcoming so you feel that, in its absence, there is nothing you can do to improve the current situation. You would like nothing better than to 'get away from it all'.

Circumstances are such that you have been exposed to considerable stress and tension, perhaps due to unfulfilled emotional needs. You would like nothing better than to escape from it all by retiring to some 'fantasy land' where you are permitted to RELAX and get back your strength.

http://www.paulgoldinresearch.com/cg/

quite apt.

PERSONAL AFFIRMATION AND PRAYER TO THE ONE ABOVE

perhaps i might not be the most perfect, the most beautiful in man's standards, the most intelligent, the most caring, the most lovable and acceptable person on earth.

but i do know..you'll make a way for me as long as i put trust in you lord.

THE FEELING OF BEING LEFT BEHIND

yes. since the camp ended on wednesday, thursday, friday, saturday, sunday was quite a blur. all i can remember was... i spent time shopping a lot, did manicure, spent time drinking a bit, catching up with a dear friend on friday, saturday and sunday.

yes. i guess there are such things called best friends.

anyway back to the above agenda.

the feeling of being left behind.

i remember being left behind by my parents at grandma's place after taking me out for a family outing in the weekend. i don't know but even at that tender age of 3 to 4, i knew that my parents lived in a nicer place, were more "happening" so to speak as compared to grandma.

so i'll wail whenever they leave me behind, not because i miss them, but i hate being forced to settling for less.

more than twenty years later, i still wonder if i'm being left behind in society being cooped up at my work place.

no, don't get me wrong, i love my job and the meaning it entails...or i derive from it. but seriously i do wonder whether i was growing as a person or just remaining stagnant.

maybe no one likes to feel forced that they are being put in an invisible cloak or chains or prison where they are not the masters of their destiny for a couple of years.

then again, being forced to think within the box does help one to take better perspective of what one wants.

afterall when freedom becomes too wanton, it's very easy to lose focus.

hope i made some sense.

A LAZY THURSDAY AFTERNOON

hurray. finally some break time for me.

met up with one of my closest friends, eunice k :)

we basically did the gf thing la... chatted, ranted, confided, reflected, praised, advised, and basically had fun :)

i guess one learning point she told today was "god put us together for a reason, so that we can encourage each other..."

yeah indeed.

i guess when we're going through our own problems, we become super self-centered and often think that the world should revolve around us and our problems.

i'm glad for one thing is that i have good friends around me.

eunice -> for her optimism and ability to give others the benefit of the doubt, faith in god.

evy -> for her strength and empathy, frankly i doubt any one else can tahan my ranting and whining more than she does. :)

dawn -> for her big and generous heart in caring for her family and friends.

sanjay -> for his ability to "hug" you or not make one feel like an odd ball.

sue -> my dear sister who truly cares and listens when i feel really down. always keeping a raincheck on me.

grace -> for her great company, positive attitude and wonderful company :)

bryan ho -> for his fun company.... maturity for his age, his ability to think beyond the surface.

jonathan -> his ability to listen and advise stubborn ol' me on many things i fail to see.


ok the list goes on, i do have more friends beyond that just tt these are the people whom i'm in more regular contact. i'm just glad and appreciative i;m in good company, people who make me feel grounded and remind me of the many good things in life.

SOFT COPY AND OTHER ISSUES

Ok I'm trying hard not to begin my blog entries with a "yeah" or a "sigh", so ok would be a fair variation. :p

technology. technology. i won't say it's a double edged sword, rather it's pain in the ass, and in a way it's like a very much wanted modern evil we can never do without. so i supposed a gun that shoots you in the mouth at the same time when you try to attack your target would be a better metaphor.

i was busy trying to clear my e-mail box, which always manages to be filled with at least over 200 e-mails.

1) i don't dare to delete because WHAT IF my computer crash?
2) everything needs to be black and white. don't take people's verbal agreement for it anymore.
3) WHAT IF i forgot what i said 2 weeks ago?
4) there's always an avalanche and a tsunami of information coming in..so chances of scanning and skimming some emails are high as opposed to in-depth reading.
5) we need to be environmentally friendly by not killing trees and yet we spend hours with our laptop on (and think we are being environmentally friendly without realising the trees get killed anyway) perhaps out of sight is indeed out of mind.

yeah. i fear our relationships will become "soft copies" where we conveniently store them in that little corner of our mind, living for the moment and what is today, rather than value the archives called memory.

and of course... we conveniently delete some part of our past too quickly.

we become too quick to judge.

and the irony is ....

while we see this as a good way to prepare for the future (getting rid of deadlocks, clutter and so on), we don't realise that we can't do this properly without taking in perspective what the past has done to us.

and so .... we make the same mistakes.

we stop contemplating, thinking or reflecting.

i suppose in our attempt to be efficient and putting in effortless work, the process of learning and growing up dwindles.

as much as i'm someone who loves technology and loves blogging, i miss the days i scribble in my offline diary, where i could feel the expression of the mind amazingly through the tinkling of my fingers..which finally translates into writing.

now. this process is trivialised to mere pushing of key alphabet buttons on my laptop.

so...yes... we get things done more quickly, more efficiently, with a tinge of velvet shimmery glamour.

but at what price?

MENTAL NOTES

yeah they always say, get it down on writing...before you forget your thoughts.

well...

these are the things i have to settle by the end of the year

1) control my spending!!! and start saving up for many important things.
2) decide on my career path from the year 2009 onwards.
3) decide on what i wanna study from the year 2008 onwards.
4) be fitter and take on one sport more regularly. (lose the bloody 5 kg)
5) plan on a group trip in june and december
6) spend more time talking to god about the above.

THE AFTERMATH

yeah...it's been hell of a week. it was so packed, busy and tiring for me!

let's do a recap.

Monday - met up with my dear friend dawn for dinner where we basically caught up with each other..heh i guess it's been a LONG LONG LONG LONG time since we met up alone...so it's been great.

- dawn was going to meet our mutual friend, pam, so we met her together. the last time i saw that woman was in 2005. heh. nice bitching about the past. :)

Tuesday to Thursday - stayed up late at work to do fire fighting. and was juggling between many things. sigh.

Friday - had a LONG DAY. then went out with colleagues for dinner and another major bitching session.

Saturday -> went for my first aid course and sat for the test. !!

yeah.....i'm now a certified first aider :)

at night -> went with another friend called dawn (yes i know three dawns...the irony is i'm not a morning person even though i love them all.)for some clubbing.

basically just some crappy RnB music, alcohol, dancing and major bitching really releases some stress and tension.

we had supper at coffee club. yum yum.

Sunday -> later meeting up with sue and alex for some blading :)

Monday to Wednesday -> work yet again.

Thursday to sunday are my breather days..so if you want, can ask me out :)

ok folks tt's it.

in short, i had a rather bitchy busy week. no time for contemplataion, reflection or zen moments...so yeah. all you're going to get from this entry is just simple, straightforward details.

quizzies

Your Aura is Blue

Spiritual and calm, you tend to live a quiet but enriching life. You are very giving of yourself. And it's hard for you to let go of relationships. The purpose of your life: showing love to other people Famous blues include: Angelina Jolie, the Dali Lama, Oprah Careers for you to try: Psychic, Peace Corps Volunteer, Counselor

What Color Is Your Aura?

Your EQ is 120

50 or less: Thanks for answering honestly. Now get yourself a shrink, quick! 51-70: When it comes to understanding human emotions, you'd have better luck understanding Chinese. 71-90: You've got more emotional intelligence than the average frat boy. Barely. 91-110: You're average. It's easy to predict how you'll react to things. But anyone could have guessed that. 111-130: You usually have it going on emotionally, but roadblocks tend to land you on your butt. 131-150: You are remarkable when it comes to relating with others. Only the biggest losers get under your skin. 150+: Two possibilities - you've either out "Dr. Phil-ed" Dr. Phil... or you're a dirty liar.

What's Your EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient)?

Your Dominant Thinking Style: Experimenting

You're all about looking at the facts, and you could always use more of them. You see life as your lab - and you're always trying out new things, people, and ideas. The master of mix and match, you're always coming up with unique combinations. You are good at getting a group to reach consensus.

What's Your Thinking Style?

People Envy Your Energy

You've got the drive and determination to keep your life in order, and you are on track to be a huge success. People tend to envy all you've got in life, but they don't understand the work that goes behind it!

What Do People Envy About You?

Your Power Level is: 64%

You're a very powerful person, and you know that all of your power comes from within. Keep on doing what you're doing, and you'll reach your goals.

How Powerful Are You?

You Are Most Like Carrie!

You're quirky, flirty, and every guy's perfect first date. But can the guy in question live up to your romantic ideal? It's tough for you to find the right match - you're more than a little picky. Never fear... You've got a great group of friends and a great closet of clothes, no matter what! Romantic prediction: You'll fall for someone this year... Totally different from any guy you've dated.

Which Sex and the City Vixen Are You?

Your Brain's Pattern

You have a dreamy mind, full of fancy and fantasy. You have the ability to stay forever entertained with your thoughts. People may say you're hard to read, but that's because you're so internally focused. But when you do share what you're thinking, people are impressed with your imagination.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

Your Beauty Element is Fire

Wild and sexy, you keep your beauty style smokin' hot. You're not afraid of glamour or showing off your assets!

What's Your Beauty Element?

You Are a Good Student of Men

You're pretty good at knowing what men are thinking But you're not dead on 100% of the time Let your guy off the hook sometimes... because you may be reading him all wrong!

How Well Do You Understand Men?

Your Musical Tastes Match: Jennifer Garner

See her whole playlist here (iTunes required)

What Celebrity Matches Your Taste in Music?

Your Love Type: ENFP

The Inspirer In love, you are passionate and eager to develop a strong bond. For you, sex should be playful, creative, and affectionate. Overall, you are perceptive and bring out the best in your partner. However, you tend to hold on to bad relationships after they've turned bad. Best matches: INTJ and INFJ

What's Your Love Type?

You Are a Flawless Beauty!

When it comes to beauty, you spare no expense - and it shows You're the kind of woman a man would launch a thousand ships for It's hard for anyone to beat you in the beauty department But remember, it's okay to show a flaw or too - you've got plenty to spare

What Type of Beauty Are You?

You Have Many Alpha Tendencies

You're not a total alpha female, but you certainly know how to - and like to - get your way. You're forceful without being intimidating. You're confident without being vain. A perfect mix.

Are You an Alpha Female?

WEEKEND WHISPERS

there are days when you feel as if there's absolutely nothing to do and you keep fidgeting with your fingers...dreaming for some pure hardcore action....to chase away the boredom.

then.

there are days when you are so busy and stretched that you wish.... sigh why can't the deadlines, social gatherings be held on other days.

yupz. that was what happened to me on friday.

i was busy at work. then i had to rush out to do some official business..sigh then go back to the workplace. THEN. i had to rush down to one friend's social gathering which ifelt quite bad about it. i arrived late..very late..and left half an hour later for yet another gathering.

and get this.

i cancelled on one social gathering before the 2nd one.

and a friend called me at around midnight for some clubbing business

sigh. yes

my life's quite a spiral of intensity and nothingness.

and today it was quite fun. goto to learn to do the first aid stuff..the bandaging the cpr. heh.

and now...i'm happily resting and slacking in front of the computer..blogging my silly thoughts away. heh.

and oh in other news,

i just figured that

1) i have a delayed teenage rebellion thing going on now...at a ripe old age of 26. sigh. yes. the nerd ol's me has disappeared and erm i dunoe why. just feel aimless and restless. sigh i guess there's such thing called the never ending life crisis, so let's not talk about quarter life, mid-life or three-quarter life crisis. :p

2) i'm living life in the moment as a consequence of 1) and so for once in my life i'm not going to care about planning my life out anymore. the irony is i did the planning when i was younger....now nay...i threw this theory out..and just live for the moment...and be happy for it.